Really awful joke!!

After getting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, and
He doesn't travel light, the driver notices that the Pope is still standing
on the curb

'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver,
'Would you please take your seat so we can leave?'
'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive
at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today.'

'I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if
something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone
to work that morning.

'There might be something extra in it for you,' says the Pope.

Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind
the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the
airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.

'Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!' pleads the worried driver, but the
Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. 'Oh, dear God,
I'm gonna lose my license,' moans the driver.

The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but
the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on
the radio.

'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a
limo going a hundred and five.

'So bust him,' says the Chief.

'I don't think we want to do that - he's really important,' said the
cop.

The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

'No, I mean really important,' said the cop.

The Chief then asked, 'Who have you got there, the Mayor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

Chief: 'Governor?'

Cop: 'Bigger.'

'Well,' said the Chief, 'Who is it?'

Cop: 'I think it's God!'

Chief: 'What makes you think it's God?'

Cop: 'He's got the f***ing Pope as a chauffeur!'

Heard on the news about an escaped psychic dwarf?

There's a small medium at large!

Or

Heard about the stupid dwarf?

It's not big, and it's not clever!

What's brown and sticky?

A stck!!

Jokes courtesy of Phoenix Fencing Club

Two cows were talking in the field. One cow says, "Have you heard about the Mad Cow disease that''s going around?"
The other cow answers, "Yeah, makes you glad you''re a penguin, doesn''t it?"

that is very good


What does a cat sleep on?

Spoiler:

How do you have a party in outer space?

Spoiler:

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Spoiler:

two muffins in an oven, one says to the other "man its hot in here"
the other replies "OOH F**K, A TALKING MUFFIN"

What's an archeologist?

Spoiler:

What wobbles as it flies?

Spoiler:

Era, they are awful ...

I have to contribute now ... here are some of the best (or should that be worst ) that I have found!!


How do we know that Saturn was married many times?

Spoiler:

Where do policemen live?

Spoiler:

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop off at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One afternoon, as the end of the work day approached, the bartender was dismayed to find that he was out of hazelnut extract. Thinking quickly, he threw together a daiquiri made with hickory nuts and set it on the bar. The doctor came in at his regular time, took one sip of the drink and exclaimed, "This isn't a hazelnut daiquiri!" "No, I'm sorry," replied the bartender, "it's a hickory daiquiri, doc."



There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of twin goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other twin goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan.
Years later Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But remember they are twins and once you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."



A Russian couple were walking down the street in Moscow one night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining", he said to his wife. "No, that felt more like snow to me", she replied. "No, I'm sure it was just rain, he said".

Well, as these things go, they were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them.

"Let's not fight about it", the man said, "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing".

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course", he replied, and walked on.

But the woman insisted: "I know that felt like snow!"
To which the man quietly replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."