flatmate help

ok so i have a flatmate who is very fond of playing loud music and mcing at ridiculous o clock in the morning (usually between 3-7am) I can totally appreciate him wanting to enjoy his music i have no problem with that, i just have a problem with being woken up at 5.30 am by the vibrations through my bed. Hes a nice enough guy and is very apologetic when i go in to ask him to turn it down but does exactly the same thing the next night. Talking to him doesn't seem to work as he just doesn't think about anyone else wen he doing it, its not like he says oh stuff them i'm gonna play oud music he doesn't think to consider anyone else. I don't wanna report him and make a formal complaint as he is a nice guy. anyone got any advice to help him see it a little from my perspective?

Oh dear, as you've already spoken to this person and the problem continues then I think you are giving this guy far too much credit unfortunately.

Before taking any more drastic action though, I'd like to suggest that you have a serious talk but friendly chat with him. You will need to be firm with him and not apologetic over having to sepak to him about this (some people get apologetic when dealing with uncomfortable situations which is why I mention it). I recommend you tell him the situation again but emphasize the consequences of his actions. Sleep depravation is a serious thing, particularly over extended periods. It will affect the quality of your life, your work, your emotional and mental stability (over extended periods) and can even lead to depression. If he would consider a compromise, what about suggesting he use headphones? Perhaps you could even suggest you pay for half the cost of a decent pair, but only if you are so inclined.

If this fails, you do not have as nice a guy sharing your flat as you think I'm afraid. The next step is to speak to the landlord (I hope it does not go this far). There should be a clause in your tenancy that allows for 'peaceful enjoyment' of your flat. The peaceful enjoyment clause is a standard clause in tenancy agreements and leases for flats. The landlord has the power to enforce this. If the landlord does not act, he is failing the contractual rights you have as a tenant so this then takes it to another level altogether but hopefully it will not go that far. I will stop at this point as hopefully the sit down chat over coffee will be enough. If it isn't, post here again and take it from there. I hope this helps a bit.

I'm sure others will have advice as well.

Headphones were the first thing that came to mind - that way he can still enjoy his music, at a volume to suit him, without disturbing anyone else.

However, the advice given by Ook is excellent but it hopefully will not get to the intense stages of involving the landlord and, possibly, higher authorities.

I do hope you succeed in reaching an amicable arrangement ... if not, you will have no choice but to take it further.

Good luck with this.

thanx to you both, i had the 'serious but freindly' chat with him tonight so we will see how it goes,

Good luck! We hope all is well from hereon-in.

If all goes well, you may need advice getting back into normal sleeping routines again - I can give you some pointers on that too.

maybe you can post your pointers in my sleep aids thread

Okey doke, will do then.

i might actually do the egg box thing lol.

Take the fuse out the fusebox im sure he will get the message then.Even better just tell him straight its doing your head in.

he's been ok the last week so i think the talk worked

i did that today a very quiet day time party with no music and lots of psychology reading, was awesome!

StarlightTess wrote:

he's been ok the last week so i think the talk worked

I'm very glad to hear this.

thanx for your concern ook

Howdy Tess,

Is all still well? I hope it is.

yeha its all good with the guy next to me in terms of noise levels we all worked out, just living with biys sigh and their seeming love to live in absolute filth. So there has been 2 carrier bags of dirty dishes in on eof the cupbaords for like 5 days after they were left on the side for like a week and half and started growing mould.
I seem to be the only one in the flat with any actual cooking utensils so they always get used and never cleaned after again left on the side dirty, so i always end up having to clean them before i use them. now las night i came home to see 2 plates a mug cutlery pans collinder and various utensils all dirty on the side, so i washed them up put them away and places the new set of their dirty stuff in another carrier bag in the cupboard with the other 2.
I woke up this morning to find all my clean cutlery and utensils had been put in the bags with all the mouldy things.
so i bought a coupel of plastic tubs and have removed all of my cooking stuff and non presihable food from the kitchen into my room.
I also bought a length of chain and a padlock and chained my cupboards together to get a point across.
I then took all the dirty dishes out of the cupobard and bags and put them back on the kitchen sides where i took them from.
I also removed the posters i bought, the flowers and vases i bought, all the cleaning supplies that i bought black bags that i bought and my tea towls,
basically anythign that i paid for is no longer there.
so then my flat mates wake up and they are annoyed at me, well not all one in particular and his nickname is dirty josh, and he is dirty in every sense of the word.

I have now just removed the chain on the cupboard, my point has been proven i don't wanna be totally hostile but all my stuff is still in my room and the places looks like a bomb has gone off.
there are 4 bags of rubbish and an overflowing bin, where i refused to take anymore down and they can't change the black bag because they also belong to me.

Have to see what its like after i get home on monday see if its still a pig sty.
I don't care anymore i tried and obviously they didn't want my attempts to keep it clean by diliberatly reacting to my attempts to tidy and make it a nice place to be so i undid everything i have done.
I bought a washing up bowl so i can do my washing up on my room and i will just move stuff over to use the hob.
its really disgusting in their i dunno how they can live like it.
But either they want me to try and keep it clean or they don't.

Hopefully in an ideal world they will clean it up and go buy some of theit own stuff as they now don't have mine to use, but i doubt that will happen.
ah well it will settle down eventually.
Whats life without a bit of conflict anyway.

Hmm, I've lived in shared digs a few times and was not a saint when it came to being tidy, particularly at that age but I NEVER epected anyone to clear up after me nor did I abuse someone elses kindness or use their stuff. It's called respect.

That's really taking the mickey. It's juvenile, selfish and ridiculous. They are acting like spoilt 5 yrar old slobs.

If I were you I would keep everything chained up and suggest to them that they use plastic spoons, forks, knives and cups and paper plates which they never have to wash up - they can just throw them away. You are neither their mother, housekeeper or slave. I take a very hard line when it comes to anyone who is so disrespectful - they know their doing it and just try to see how much they can get away with it. That's obvious from their reaction since if they didb't care about living in those conditions they wouldn't have reacted the way they do - it's manipulative Tess.

The 'disposible' idea may work and make everyone happy so it's worth a try. You are not responsible for the cost of that after all it's their problem. I don't know these slobs but If I thought it would work I would even shame them by taking photos and posting them at the University or on a website and letting everyine know the web address. If they don't clean their act up there is always the landlord.

What do you think, have you had any ideas?

i have taken pictures of it all, purely for the fact that if it doesn't get cleaned up I will take it to teh office to ask them what they expect me to do with this in terms of trying not to lose my deposit. cause that kitchen is gonna be a mess if its liek this after only 3 weeks. i will post the pictues when i get back to uni as i'm at hoem for the weekend.
I have no more ideas i exhauseted everything that i was thinking of and none of it has worked, i was speaking to a girl next door abotu it and she was liek wll they expect you will do it as josh told her to just leave her plate there because tess will clean it . grrrrr

yeah that does cheer me up, but i may be late depends on how things work out, as i'm going to a funeral friday so will be at home, but instead of staying home the weekend i'm gonna specifially come back just to come to weston on saturday, I missed you all yesterday!!!!!!!!!!

would love that