Really awful joke!!

that is good

Those jokes are brilliant!!
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What do you call a depressed dentist?

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I have another one ...

Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters?

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A penguin walks into a bar. The barman clocks him on the way in, and somewhat confused, watches as the penguin looks eagerly round the pool table, then waddles to the opposite side of the bar and eagerly looks around. After looking around the establishment for a while, the penguin goes up to the barman and asks,
"Excuse me, mate. You seen me brother?"
The barman replies, "Dunno, what's he look like?"

( i think I'll hide here until all the tumbleweed blows past...)

here's one but it should be told out loud...

How do you get 2 whales in a car

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Those two jokes are brilliant!!! Well done Danny and Louise!!!!

http://www.explosm.net/comics/1116/

hehe rude

Ok one for you Sarah ...

There are three older women talking about the trials of getting older, the first one says, "Sometimes I find myself on the top of the stairs and can't remember if I just came up or was about to go down!" The second woman replied "Yes sometimes I find myself with the butter in my hand infront of the fridge and I can't for the life of me remember if I was putting it away or about to make a sandwich!"
"Well," says the third woman, "I'm glad I don't have that problem, touch wood." and she rapped her knuckles of the table.
"Just a moment ladies," she said, "That must be the door!"

Hehe thats a great joke, made me chuckle

1) What game do you play with a wombat?

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2) A man was caught shoplifting in Asda the other day, as he was stuffing a roast chicken up his jumper. The security guard followed the man to the exit before he finally called out to him,
"Oi! What are you doing with that?!"
The man turned and replied whilst running,
"Carrots, peas, cauliflower cheese and potatoes!"

Sorry I find them midly lame.....so i suppose a congratulations is in order???....

I apologise for the low standard of the jokes so far.

My usual level would be a little too offensive for this forum. No racist or homophobic jokes, but I suspect anyone who has serious illnesses, children or a "politically-correct" outlook on sex and drugs would find them somewhat brutal.

Maybe just one or two...

(WARNING: don't bother reading them if you're likely to get offended. I have warned you.)...

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Sorry.

Hehehe *chuckles* they were a bit better i suppose! x

1) A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.

'In English', he said, 'A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.'

A loud voice from the back of the room piped up, 'Yeah, right.'

2) Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'

hehe here's one for me and lizzy!

Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.

Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'

The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches.

What do you call a psychic midget who just escaped from jail?

A small medium at large!

Hahahah sorry i dont know how to use spoliers! Someone shall have to tell me! x

Liking the lawyer jokes!

If you type ' [ ' then 'spoiler' then a ' ] ' , then you type your hidden message, and then you write ' [/ ' then 'spoiler' then ' ] ' ! (obvously without all the apostrophes - i typed it like this so it wouldn't just automatically do it).


A man walks into a dentist's. As the man sits down in the chair, the dentist asks
"What seems to be the trouble then?"
The man calmly replies "Well doctor, I feel like a moth."
The confused dentist scratches his head and says, "It's not a dentist you need, it's a
psychiatrist. Why did you come here?"
"The light was on."

What do you call a stupid dwarf

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