The Beastslayer's Guide To Self-Defense

So.. it feels like the flu?

Now i'm confused... so if its so sudden.. then how would you not notice it if you have this sudden illness everytime this person appears?

Wow! I haven't been online for a few days, good posts everybody!

Chapter IV: HYDRAS



.....Although, not the most common of beast in this part of the world (they're originally from Ancient Greece), Hydras are huge, deadly multi-headed creatures closely related to Dragons, each of its reptilian heads working independently to bite and to poison its prey so it may fill its mighty, singular belly with fresh meat. To add to its ferocious arsenal, some Hydras will have the Dragons' ability to breath fire, making it as deadly as a Dragon but multiplied by how ever many heads it has! And if one was to fight back against a Hydra, be warned; whatever you cut, stab, slice or amputate will regenerate as good as new in seconds!
.....Many a hero have fought the Hydra in vain, only to be torn apart and eaten, or incinerated by its hot fiery breath. Very few have lived to tell tale of the beasts' demise, but one such hero of old was Jason, with his crew of sea-faring Greek warriors, the Argonauts who slew the Lerneaen Hydra, guardian of the magical Golden Fleece!
.....According to this rare breed of heroes, if you were to come across a Hydra (or it was to come across you), your first action must be to run! Run for cover, remembering the creature may be able to breathe fire, but you must keep a distance between you and that multitude of snapping jaws! Fortunately, a creature with so many heads has difficulty co-ordinating such a collection, so its movements will tend to be slow and undecided (especially if the creature is agitated). Use this borrowed time to find something big and sharp (you will need it to chop) and a source of fire (to make a torch). Remember stay behind cover in case of fire-atttack!
.....Once you have your equipment, you will need to make short and quick advances at the creature from the sides (this is to ensure not all of the Hydra's heads are in range at one time). As you approach it, keep your chopping device and burning torch ready to strike whatever comes at you. You will have to have quick reactions and a good aim. Keep enough distance so that you may evade to safety if necessary, but get close enough that as the creature strikes you can chop at its neck or head. Whenever you make a slice, quickly follow it up with the burning torch. Your aim is to cauterise the wound you make before the creature has a chance to regrow it. If you keep making quick strikes at it, eventually you will cut off enough heads to weaken it, making it easier to do longer attacks to eventually subdue and kill the Hydra! Be advised, this process will take a long time, so be patient and don't wear yourself out all at once.
.....It would be prudent of you, once the creature has been slain, to remove all the teeth from the corpse (ensuring that absolutely none of them fall to the ground). If the Hydra is anything like the Lerneaen Hydra, this will stop anybody (who isn't you, anyway) from summoning The Children Of The Hydra's Teeth! When the teeth are sown and a prayer to Hecate made, each tooth will seed a skeleton warrior, a reincarnation of the heroes slain by the Hydra, ready to do its summoner's bidding! If you have the teeth, there isn't much chance of you being attacked by a skeleton warrior.

POINTS TO REMEMBER:

* Run for cover (in case of fiery breath)!
* Find a chopping impliment and source of fire to make a torch.
* Keeping cover (or at a least close to cover), make short strikes from the side of the creature to minimise the amount of heads that can reach you.
* cut and slice at whatever strikes at you and follow up with the torch on the wound. This will cauterise the wound, stopping it from regenerating.
* taking your time, staying patient and keeping caution, continue slicing off the heads and burning until the creature is completely decapitated.
* once slain, gather the creature's teeth from the cadaver, ensuring that absolutely no teeth are spilled to the ground.


USEFUL THINGS TO RESEARCH:

* Jason & The Argonauts story and films

Hmm.. don't some of them grow multiple heads for every head cut off.. I saw a funny way to deal with them.

For those kind, just keep cutting and cutting and cutting till its body can no longer support all the heads, or its own circulation system gives out.

And as for the not letting any teeth drop, if a prayer has to be made then why does it matter?

Good points again, Dorian. The cauterising should stop anything growing back from the stumps, the problem with making more heads is you will be making more to fight and more to potentially kill you. You're right about the teeth and prayer thing, its more of a precaution (like mobile phones in a petrol station - no harm will probably come of it, but just in case...). You never know, someone could be watching you in the shadows muttering the prayer under their breath as they watch you spill a couple teeth (unlikely, but possible)!

Like me? Pretty pretty please can I have a skeleton army!!!!!!!!

Oh alright then... but don't break it.

YAAAAAAAYYYY MWAHAHAAHAHAH ultimate power! I'll be as hated as Hitler and as cool powerful and as crazy as Stalin, ahhh if only they could have used the forces of the undead! Imagine the possibilities!

armies....? haha ill pledge my alleigance and take Andras and his legions!!!

hmm... I think I shall be the ruler of rulers, and other measuring implments!!!

I dont like rulers..... much

'Extracts all the calcium from her skeleton army, then sells it to scientists to get super rich'

Quite right, I thought it would shed a better light on the context. All of those are of European origin, by the way.

No way! The wyrm looks a lot more like the oriental dragon than typical European...... God damn immigrants!........... I kid, i kid!

I do see what you mean, but its possible both European and Oriental dragons (and their images) were just inspired by large serpents (pythons, boas, anacondas, etc.). Sometimes in European mythology, the word "wyrm" is just used in replacement to the word "Dragon" and does not describe a long slender-bodied serpent.

I prefer to think that similar ideas (like dragons) appeared separately around the world cos they were based on fact, it's more fun that way

Chapter VI: UNDEAD SKELETONS, SKELETON WARRIORS




.....Not many people would consider a brittle bundle of walking bones too much of a threat, but those people would have trouble proving that against an actual skeleton warrior.
.....Either raised by necromancy, summoned by sorcery or even grown from the scattered teeth of the Hydra (as in the case of The Children Of The Hydra's Teeth, see Chapter IV), these are creatures binded solely by magic, without which their skeletal frames would merely collapse. With no flesh to bind them, animated skeletons have a distinct advantage over other such non-living creatures such as Vampires, Zombies, Ghouls, etc. No flesh means no flesh wounds! No blood to drain, no organs to pierce, no brain to drive them or destroy them when it is lost or damaged. Where you can hack and slash at a Zombie damaging its vital tendons, muscles and ligaments that give it motion, or slice through its head to kill it, a skeleton warrior will keep coming at you. The immortal Vampire, pierced through its heart with wood or silver will surely taste mortality, but what lies within the rib-cage of a skeleton but air and gravedust?
......As an animated skeleton is nothing more than bones and magic, it is these that must be destroyed. While there is probably a multitude of spells, counterspells and magic rites that can be used against them, the average person is not going to have a copy of a Spells For Dummies in his/her back-pocket. And if you're up against Children Of The Hydra's Teeth, there is little or no spell that can go against the will of Hecate anyway. So we shall keep to how to combat this foe with physical attacks.
......Firstly, blades (sad as it is to say it) are little good against skeletons. Even a large, sharp sword like a dai-katana or a large and heavy sword like a claymore would achieve little more than to chop bits of bone off (which given credit would be useful if you chopped its weapon arm off), but leave the fully moving skeleton (or what's left of it) continuing to attack you. A severed part of a skeleton will continue to operate after amputation (even its head). Skeletons also feel no pain whatsoever. So it's now safe to assume you can't just slice at it and hope for the best. The only way to stop those bones are to shatter them.
.....If you were next to an arsenal of weaponary, I would recommend to you weapons like maces, morning stars, battleaxes, warhammers, etc. - anything really heavy enough to smash bone in one swing. Clubs wouldn't really work unless they were really quite heavy (you don't want to be furiously beating away at anything just to break it). But as you're probably not next to an armoury you should look for: large lead-pipings, sledgehammers, wood axes, pick axes, etc. Because of the weight and momentum these items will have, it is better to confront the opponent(s) in open surroundings, but (just like the zombies) with your back against a secure wall. Aim well before you strike, and wait until an enemy lunges at you, then you must quickly sidestep while swinging at your target. Swing hard in downwards, diagonal or upwards strikes (as well as damaging as much as it can in its path, it's harder to avoid and the momentum won't send you spinning round like a top), and aim for areas like the skull, the chest or shoulders or the elbow and knee joints. If you feel the momentum taking you off, try to steer it to where you need it next and follow through the attack. Its better to smash all three of these target areas on a skeleton warrior, so there's no chance of it coming back. If the skeleton loses too much of its structure, the magic will usually leave the corpse or lose its bind on it.
......You may be forced to fight a skeleton (or more) with smaller weapons (if there are no larger available or if you are cornered): If you aim for the right places you can hopefully follow your strikes with fatal finishing moves if you're quick enough and your aim is true. Take hard shots at the elbows and knees (not directly on them but to the sides on the fore-arm/leg or upper-arm/leg) and the neck. The purpose of crippling the elbow is if they are carrying weapons or even just trying to grab you you can disable them. If you strike the neck with enough force to break it (it will be easier on something without flesh to hold it together) the head should fall to the ground. Take care to avoid the headless body that will be inevitabley stunned but still trying to attack you. Leap both-feet-down onto the fallen skull as hard as you can. This should smash it entirely. But the creature can still move! So the knees; if struck hard enough, they will send the creature to the floor and it's this moment you finish the skeleton off. Leap again (both feet down) straight onto its sternum! With skull, limbs and ribcage shattered, you will have stopped the creature in its tracks completely. Even if some malign force still keeps it alive (or undead rather), there is nothing a pile of rubble can do to hurt you.
......Do be warned, when actually combatting an animated skeleton, if the creature is armed it will be able to use those weapons just like any man with training. You must play defensively at all times, strike only when the opportunity strikes. Also, some walk with armour! You must defeat their armour before you can defeat them!


POINTS TO REMEMBER:

* Find large, heavy objects to use as mauls,
* Position yourself back-against-the-wall with enough room to swing wildly around,
* Beware of any weapons, shields, armour, etc. the creature could be using - fight defensively,
* Aim for knees/elbows, chest, shoulders, neck and skull - you are looking to crush as many bones as you can in as little swings as possible,
* If you do not have a heavy weapon, use as heavy as you can find and aim your strikes at the knees, the elbows (just above or below) and the neck. You must accomodate for the lack of weapon-weight with harder strikes.
* If the skeleton warrior's head or body fall to the floor, leap both-feet-down onto the skull or sternum to smash them or crush them with a heavy object.
* Beware of the skeleton no matter what state of damage it's in (even a headless one can still attack).

USEFUL THINGS TO RESEARCH:

* Jason & The Argonauts story and films
* The 7th Voyage Of Sinbad film
* Evil Dead III: Army Of Darkness (Medievil Dead) film
* Fantasy RPG-games: Diablo, Diablo II, Summoner, Baldur's Gate series, Elder Scrolls series, Avernum series, Exile series, Might & Magic series

Chapter VII: GORGONS



.....Even though many legends depict the Gorgon as an almost unstoppable creature that is too horrible and ferocious for humans to behold, the Gorgon takes a number of forms across tales of old or, more recently, in the creative minds of film-makers, story-writers and game designers. Many of us think of the Gorgons as a race of hideous women with snakes for hair who can kill with an evil glance. Some of us picture them with a snake's tail instead of legs. Old tales suggest they were actually a group of beautiful sisters with the fangs of venomous snakes and a petrifying stare. In fact, Medusa, most famous of the Gorgons, was the only one to have her legendary long, blonde curly snakes! But whatever the form they come in, I am here to provide a simplistic method of defending yourself against such a creature. This chapter is more of instructions on how to overcome the creature quickly, revising old methods, introducing some modern ideas and filling in any gaps.

.....It is a common misconception that Gorgons are all ugly snake-haired and (occassionally) snake-bodied creatures with sharp fangs and a gaze that can turn mortals to stone. The sharp fangs and deadly gaze would be an accurate description but only Medusa had snakes for hair, given as punishment by the goddess Athena for sleeping with Poseidon (the snake-body was invented by the special effects team for the film Clash Of The Titans). Gorgons would actually be stunningly attractive (but fanged) ladies whose enticing eyes can turn living things to statues. But we shall learn to defend against both types in this chapter, normal and Medusan.
.....If anyone has seen the film Clash Of The Titans, they will remember Perseus used the mottled reflection in his shield to see where Medusa was and struck off her head with his sword. Later he used the head to turn his arch-rival to stone as the eyes remained open. Although this method works, as it certainly vanquished the Gorgon, it is highly dangerous. What's to stop you glancing down yourself into the open eyes of the Gorgon's severed head? Accidents happen. The only purpose I can think of for Perseus beheading Medusa, was to; a) protect himself against her trademark snake-hair and b) to keep her powers and use them against his enemy. As hopefully most people reading this won't have enemies they need turning to stone and thus won't need to keep the head, then I would say the safest way to stop it (and more humane) would be to blind the creature or, failing that, use its own power against it. The Gorgon isn't unstoppable and can be quelled like any other mortal creature, it is only the eyes (and the optional reptilian quiff) that make it a dangerous enemy.
.....If you are confronted by a Gorgon, avoid every temptation to look at her directly. You will need to find two reflective things; one clear like a mirror, the other mottled like reflective metal. Most ladies and girls will have a make-up mirror handy but if you don't have a lady or girl handy, head for the public toilets and smash a big mirror down to size. The other reflective surface can be almost anything with an unclear reflection (glass, metal, shiny plastic, etc.). You'll also need a spray gun (like the ones for kitchen cleaner spray), a Jif lemon juice squeezer, or a deodarant can (or something similar - mace and pepper spray if you've got it).
.....Use the unclear reflection, like Perseus did with his shield, to keep track of her position without the risk of looking directly into her eyes. If you have somewhere to run to afterwards, you can temporarily blind the Gorgon with the spray as quickly as you can when it approaches behind you. Then you run!
....If you were unable to find suitable spraying equipment or the creature is pursuing you, do the same again and track her with the mottled reflective surface. When you can see the Gorgon approaching behind you, bring up the mirror to her face as quickly and smoothly as you can. Without a chance to react, she will look straight into her own eyes and be turned to stone!!
....A Medusan Gorgon would be a different story. With a face cloaked with venomous snakes, any quick hand movement towards her face area is going to be followed by a series of sharp (and deadly) bites on the hand. So even if you did blind her or she did look in the mirror, you'd still be dead too! This is where Perseus' method makes sense:
....You need to find something sharp and heavy and take her head off! One would recommend things like spades, shovels, fire axes, cleavers, machetes, etc. - things that in emergency can be found in the day-to-day stream of things. But the danger doesn't end when the head has fallen, the eyes remain a danger. To be safe, once she's decapitated (without really looking) you can either attempt to petrify the head and hold the mirror in front of the face, or just put the severed head in a bag or box and NEVER open it again!

POINTS TO REMEMBER:

* Find two reflective surfaces; one with an unclear reflection, the other like a mirror,
* Find a liquid, spray, dust, etc. you can use to temporarily (or permanently) blind the Gorgon; mace, pepper spray, lemon juice, ground black pepper, watered down chili sauce, deodorant, kitchen spray cleaner, etc.
If it is a Medusan Gorgon, you will instead need to find a chopping device large enough to decapitate someone; fire axes, cleavers, spades, shovels, etc.
* Beware of any weapons, shields, armour, etc. the creature could be using - fight defensively,
* Use the unclear reflective surface to track the Gorgon's whereabouts without looking at her directly.
* Wait until she approaches you, then either strike at her eyes with the sprays (quickly so she has no chance to blink) or, if needs must, raise the mirror to her face (just as quickly) and turn her to stone.
* If you are dealing with a Medusan Gorgon, do not attempt to blind it, turn it to stone or anything that involves putting yourself near to her snake-hair.
* Do as Perseus did, wait until the creature has approached you, then quickly behead the creature. Ensure that you do not even glance at the severed head, but keeping it in your outer vision, or just feeling your way, either turn the head to stone using the mirror in the front of its face or put the head in a covered box or bag and never open it.

USEFUL THINGS TO RESEARCH:

* Clash Of The Titans film



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