one of my fav jokes from the end of the vicar of dibley

Three nuns are standing at the pearly gates waiting to get into heaven. St. Peter appears and says because you are nuns i must ask you a question before you can enter. He turns to the firs nun and asks "what was the name of the first man and woman?"Adam and Eve."She answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open, and the first nun enters.

"Where did Adam and Eve live" St. Peter asks the second nun. "The Garden of Eden" She answers, and the trumpets sound, the gates open and the second nun enters. He turns to the third nun now as you are the mother superior your question will be more difficult. St Peter asks, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam in the Garden?"

The mother superior thinks and thinks, but can't come up with an answer. "hmmm that's a hard one," she finally says. And the trumpets blow, the gates open, and the last nun enters heaven

Official Post Master Gender : Age : 56 Posts : 799

Ha ha ha - I love it!!! lol!

Thanks for sharing that with us.

Guest

I don't get it..... rofl

Kidding

Yippee! I get to use me dancing nun here. I just love her.... cheers

no... I am not catholic... no offense intended. Smile

one of my fav jokes from the end of the vicar of dibley Humour236

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Evie you darling creature, where DO you find these?!

Love the joke Tess, I have another:

A coach load of people die, as the coach plumets head first into a brick wall...everyone is killed...The get to the gates and St Peter says "as you all died so tragically, I shall give each of you One wish, and one wish only"

They form a queue and the first woman, who was not so easy on the eye, says "Well, could you make me beautiful?" and Peter clicks his fingers and it is done...The woman was glorious...

The man behind her says "I wish I was the best looking man ever!" and Peter acquiesces..

He looks to the back of the queue and a very ugly man is laughing to himself...

Peter continues and every person wishes they were beautiful and the man at the back of the line becomes more and more hysterical...

Every last man and woman wishes they were more beautiful than the last, until it gets to the Laughing Man at the end of the queue...

Peter, a little irritated byt his point, says "what the Hell is so funny?!"

The laughing man takes a deep breath and says "I wish the bastards were all ugly again!"

I love both of these lol!

Two nuns are driving along a dirt track through Transylvania at night.
Suddenly a vampire jumps out infront of them. The car screechs to a halt and one nun turns to the other and says "Quick Mary, show him your cross!" So the nun turns to the vampire and

Spoiler:

My fav vicar of dibley joke is this one

A preist and a bussiness man are playing a few holes of golf

the bus. man puts from eight foot and misses

"God damn it i missed" he says

"don't take the lords name in vain for he shall strike you down" replies the priest

a few holes later the bus. man misses again this time from six feet

"for christs sake"

Again the preist turns to him and says "Do not continue to blaspheme or you shall feel Gods wrath."

At the final hole the bus. man misses again from four feet

"bloody hell, i missed agan"

With that a bolt of lightning streak t earth striking the preist and a voice booms from above

"oh crap, shit, damn it. I missed."

Love it, so cheesy but brilliant.

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Simon, this joke is truly attrocious, it definately belongs in here...

i know its aweful but still one of my favourites, i would like to say in my defence at least it came from one of the funniest woman on the planet Dawn French (in my mind anyway)
I wish i had married her before Lenny Henry

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

I love Dawn French, I think she is an absolute legend...

Too true, she's deffinatly on my 'If I was a lesbian' list! Very Happy

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Whadda ya mean, "if" you were a lesbian?? That was your excuse for turning me down!

This a a joke people...

Of course it is, if I was a lesbian there would be nothing standing in our way! Wink

(Yes, another 'Tomi is a girl joke, not very inventive I know, but it just isn't getting old!)

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

That joke isn't get old...

Unlike you...

Who is nearly dead....

You douchebag...

Yes, 19 is so old....only a 17yr old child would think that Razz

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Art thou calling me a kiddling, crone?

Thought I should speak in Middle English, I didn't know if you spoke MODERN DAY English or not, old'un

Solvo ... you would be in really good company if you decided to become a Trainee Crone!!! Evie and I would welcome you!!!!!!!!!! lol!

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Sarah, you have eyt to make the Chronic Corner of the forums! Go go go!!!

I can't wait to be really old! I'm going to have a big old house with a porch and sit on it on a rocking chair with my shotgun, 100's of cats and purple hair telling kids to 'Get of me land!'

I'd be like that but a little cottage in the countryside not sitting down but walking around the grounds with one of my many snakes around my neck Razz

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Maybe you should ask a really old lady what it's like...

you know it's coming...

...Sarah? Razz

awh your so mean to poor old Sarah!

hmm there should be a telling off smiley it could come in handy for using on Tomi

Oh dear ... darling Tomi ... I saw that one coming a mile off!!!

I would not know what it is like to be REALLY old ... perhaps I should ask my sisters as they are so much older than me (real crones!!!)

But thank you, Tomi, for the reminder about Cronies Corner - working on it very soon!!!

Senior Member Gender : Age : 33 Posts : 1467

Good, I want to go in there and read all the Dirty Old Lady Club secrets....solves for arthritus, potions for making cakes taste better, spells to get rid of wrinkles... Razz

that sort of thing!

» BEST BLONDE JOKES EVER!!